The medical examination severed a friendship that had existed for decades

Dear Eric: I am a 73 year old woman who happily maintains the friendships I made my freshman year of college.

Two years ago, I noticed a change in my friend’s ability to carry out a conversation and her lack of awareness of current events. After Covid isolation, she and her husband rarely left the house, and he spent more time in front of the computer.

My friend’s calls to me became more frequent and repetitive even though he had no news or reason to call. He repeated the same three or four stories and often within the span of five minutes. I expressed my concerns about cognitive issues to him. He proudly reports that he is very healthy, takes no medication and comes from a long-lived family. He thought he was fine.

We had always lived in different states, so I contacted a niece and expressed my concerns about her aunt. The niece called her and said I called her to “check on it.” Her niece texted me that she spoke with her aunt and she seemed “fine.”

My friend’s anger at “disrupting her life” was sharp. I have mental health issues myself and couldn’t deal with the drama. I blocked contact, leaving behind a friendship of 54 years. Did I disappoint him?

— Concerned, not Annoying

Dear: Contacting your friends and family members is the right thing to do. The Alzheimer’s Association (alz.org) has a 10-step guide on how to approach a friend or loved one with whom you are concerned about memory; I refer to it often. Part of that plan involves alerting friends or loved ones about the changes you’ve noticed and asking if they’ve noticed the same things. Another part of the plan involves contacting someone closer who can help or who might be able to confirm what you’re seeing (or refute it).

These conversations are not always easy. Sometimes people feel embarrassed when others talk to them about their health. Others may feel that people are talking about them behind their back, and this may be difficult to deal with.

I’m sorry that your conversation sparked slander from your friend. But I encourage you to unblock it. After 54 years, it would be good to give him some grace, apologize for any actions deemed to have crossed the line, and start over. Revenge will not do either of you any good. But a five-decade relationship that allows for ups, downs, and changes, can continue to benefit you both.

Dear Eric: We have been friends with another couple for over 50 years. They are always jealous of the little things we do or buy, like a new sofa, new appliances, etc. But when we built a new house, our relationship ended. They never came to visit and we haven’t spoken since.

That was 21 years ago. How can someone be jealous and what causes it? They would get the little things done in a week or so, but this was too big for them to handle.

— Jealousy Destroys Friendships

Dear Friendship: It seems like the partner was never in the right place to be friends with you. The green-eyed monster occasionally rears its head in even the healthiest of relationships, but I have a hard time seeing what they think they’re getting out of this friendship or what they’re adding to it.

Since this has been on your mind for two decades, I think you need some closure on this. Unfortunately, that may not happen. The simple truth is that sometimes other people’s internal struggles manifest externally and prevent them from achieving the happiness they desire.

Dear Eric: This was in response to “You Gonna Finish That?”, who was concerned about leftover food in restaurants and wanted to ask strangers about leftover food in restaurants. There is an app called “Too Good To Go”, where participating restaurants and food servers such as convenience stores can sell “mystery bags” of their leftovers at the end of the day/night at a discount.